Kids see things with new eyes everyday 

They will be the first ones to see balloons in unusual places and think that shoes on telephone wires are funny.  They love looking at airplanes and make quirky observations like that huge 777 in the sky is actually really tiny.  When you try to explain that it is actually enormous it’s just 30,000 ft above you, they refuse to believe you and think you are silly,  then make the comment that the people on the plane must be really small.

For a four year old nothing is  more exciting than watching stray cats or dogs

Speaking of stray cats, did you know they are actually a form of vermin with much better PR skills? Yes, they are! Cats fool you by being all friendly and dare I say “cute”.  You look at them and go awe, and if you are soft-hearted like my wife you even go out and buy them cat food. Those furry trash raiders carry little tiny devils… better known as fleas. Fleas are really good at multiplying and before you know it they infest your yard.  Do you know what cats love to do? They love to sneak! And if you are not careful, they will sneak into your house even if your door is open for even a minute too long.

Toddlers can be infinitely  useful!

Now, I like animals just as much as the next guy, but after dealing with those blood sucking, itch inducing, almost invisible, little devils, I decided that the strays had to go.   I went full Ogre mode. No more food and liberally sprayed anti cat smells all over the place.  However, I guess when you live in the grass that does not really matter, so it failed.  I had no choice but to  became the crazy ‘I hate cats’ neighbor. I would chase them out of the yard screaming and yelling which was a very temporary fix and also makes you look nuts. 

I had to find another solution…

it may come as no surprise that cats don’t like getting wet, so I resorted to a spray bottle. Here is where kids are infinitely useful because you know who loves spray bottles? 2 year olds! They love them some spray bottles and they never get tired. Now I had an ally in my defense against fleas.  My two year old was more enthusiastic than a marine on maneuvers and he has cat radar.  He could spot a stray from 100 yards away, and he would come yelling “daddy there’s a kitty, I see a kitty tat, I need the pra-yer!”  

To all you cat lovers out there, I don’t care if you are upset with me, I did not sign up for the whole pet and pet problem thing! I was tired of waking up to blood all over my legs from scratching in my sleep!  But, if it makes you feel any better, 2-yr olds have terrible aim and cats are just not particularly fond of being charged by a giggling bundle of energy. 

Garbage and Other interesting things

To a toddler, garbage guys are heroes in huge cool trucks… a sentiment I still share actually. So, now when we are at the store if we want them to stay close, we tell them to be a garbage guy and they dutifully  hang on to the side of the basket waiting for the next stop to hop off.  If I could only get them to pick up their trash we would be in business. 

Kids do random things simply for the sake of it

 My 3 year old has “gotten lost” when going to the potty (in our own house) and made a friend with her also undressed twin in the mirror.  Both apparently observing that coffee is fun and they should have a tea party later. She is definitely ready to make tea, after all the water has been running and getting warm for the last five minutes.

Discovering language is also so much fun. Our daughter was noticing that there were these strange flecks that we were brushing out of the baby’s hair and naturally this was weird, so of course she must find out what this stuff was.  After multiple attempts at the name (cradle cap) we, from here on out, will also refer to it as cradle-crap.

You may call it a grocery store but I call it a classroom

There is something refreshing about a child’s blunt honesty. Kids have no problem airing what is on their minds at any given time, usually at our expense.  Occasionally though they like to bring complete strangers into the mix for good measure.

We were walking through Sam’s and turned down a aisle trying to find olive oil, when my son declares “There it is, Daddy!  Behind that really fat lady.” Naturally as parents it’s our job to attempt to make these things worse by discreetly changing focus. Now, if it had been a one and done kind of off hand comment… no biggie, just keep walking. But, apparently,  large women are an interesting topic to a young bored mind. Also we had been working on getting him to use his big boy voice and it certainly was a LOT BIGGER today!

Well duct tape was not available and we were not near a sample station, so we did the next best thing we whisper quietly  “hey buddy we usually don’t call people huge it’s really not polite.”   Apparently the whisper and be gentle tactic was the same as a public whipping in his mind. He broke down crying, totally misunderstanding the lesson and in an even louder voice said, “I’m sorry I almost ran into the huge lady!”   So much for being inconspicuous…

Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!

Recently, we had a fairly decent snow storm and in order to get home I had to clear a 4 foot snow drift. After about 20 minutes of working I turn around to see my little army of munchkins has been busy creating a flash mob of snowmen behind in the conveniently flattened  area…  But, I also had the experience of hearing this beautiful little nugget, “Elsa stop helping me build my snowman!” 

But the beauty of having kids is when they block you in with a snowmob…  you know its time to go sledding


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